I blame my dad for a lot of things in my life.
I blame him for many of the things that make me live and feel the way I do.
The more I live and grow and heal the more CONSCIOUSLY I blame him.
I used to rant and rave about all the things he did that I did not like. About all the ‘bad habits’ I had learned from him – as if it was not my fault and that I had no responsibility in the matter…. And we know, once you apply just a little bit of wisdom, that this cannot really be the case. Ouch for me.
So I want to share with you an exercise that I love about conscious blaming. Meaning, let me blame my dad for all things he did, not just the things I don’t like. Then I have a much fuller picture. And remember that scientifically what you put your focused attention on + energy + emotion grows in your awareness and experience (it literally starts to change how your brain is wired – more on this in upcoming blogs).
To that end, I blame my dad for:
· Demonstrating amazing willpower – this is the man who decided one day after 30+ years of smoking to not smoke…and who 20+ years later has still not touched a cigarette!
· Insisting on integrity – my dad would never allow me to take shortcuts with my work. He insisted that I ‘do it properly’
· Teaching me acceptance and wisdom – I used to laugh at him for not having hair, and he used to calmly say, “your time will come, and then you will see”. And as you can all see he was right!
I could go on and on like this, and I invite you to do this.
One of my favourite moments with my dad was around the time of my 11+ exam. I’d been studying really hard for a long time. There was a school that I really wanted to go to and the competition was fierce. He decided to help motivate my studies by promising me a computer game if I got in (this was a huge deal 25+ years ago!). Then the day before the exam he said to me, “I’m going to buy that computer game for you, to acknowledge how hard you have worked”. He taught me to acknowledge my effort not just my results. He took the weight of 10 tones off my shoulders and in that one moment with a single loving sentence consolidated my self-esteem.
If we link this back to an old blog on being good enough (https://thrivechiropractic.co.uk/on-being-good-enough-and-how-to-feel-this/) this is a key idea to exacerbate that – when you succeed or fail it’s because of some skill you have or need to master, not your innate goodness/badness. (Research on this with kids is unequivocal btw – praise their characteristics not their goodness when they do well).
So that’s an ode to my dad and a cue to remember that how we are now determines what our loved ones and friends will blame us for. What do you want to be blamed for?
To your conscious blaming – and please feel free share these with me,